Keep Your Sense of Self When You Fall in Love

Happy Valentines/Galantines Day, beautiful Earthlings!

I have an interesting text to share with you today, which was inspired by a video I watched from spiritual teacher Gabrielle Bernstein. Even if you aren’t a very spiritual folk, I believe this will serve you greatly.

Two of my three Intentions for 2018 are to study deeper about my spirituality and then share my experiences with you. Once I’m learning I feel compelled to share because it’s something I live by and makes me feel more connected to My Truth. It’s my hope that everyone who’s guided here can perceive some kind of shift.

So without further ado, let’s get to the point:

Have you ever felt like you were trying to be someone else when you fell in love?

I certainly have during my early years and even when I got to know my husband. And not only with possible partners but also with other kinds of relationships.

Correct me if I’m wrong, were you trying to be “someone you thought you should be”, having a bit of an attitude when texting or talking, trying to “look sexy and confident”, trying to “be funny” — even when you don’t feel that way?

I think the answer is yes, yes, yes and yes to most of us. And it doesn’t feel good, right? It’s very off-putting for both parts because it’s energetically noticeable.

Now, have you ever had that friend that you allow yourself to be utterly transparent and authentic all the time and this friend loves you come what may? Doesn’t it feel awesome? YES!

Because you’re being YOU with your quirks and all. You feel free. And that’s what is so fascinating and sexy about you! Your authenticity! If your partner or possible partner doesn’t see that, then maybe he or she isn’t the right one — or he or she isn’t ready yet.

When you’re trying to be someone you’re not, you lose your True Power. You feel disconnected. It’s uncomfortable. You feel unworthy. You think you aren’t good enough. You don’t love and appreciate who you are.

AND THAT’S BOLLOCKS!

Let me tell something I’ve learned when I stopped to romanticize every aspect of my relationship:

My husband isn’t “the man of my dreams” and I’m not “the woman of his dreams” because they’re a fantasy and they’re not real. Also, why would I want to change who he is, just so he can fit “my dream expectations”? I could never live up to my husband’s expectations about me — and I don’t want to because then I wouldn’t be myself anymore. I would be someone changing the core of who I am in order to please him. If I always tried to give him what I think he wants, I wouldn’t be giving the real me in the relationship so many times. That would be tiring and frankly, not sustainable since it wouldn’t be genuine.

However, I’m not saying that I don’t do things I know he’ll like and appreciate — please, don’t be an “8 or 80” type of person! Or that every time you I get pissed off about something he does I’ll either not say anything, or start yelling and asking for a divorce, ok? Hahahaha 😛 Communication and Compromise are also part of a relationship. And we’ve learned so much with our differences! We’ve grown together as individuals and partners. But that’s a subject for another day.

What I’m trying to say here (with a little bit of blabbing) is: First you need to learn to love your true self, so you are able to love someone else’s true self. You’ll become so unapologetic about who you are that no matter if you have a partner or not, you’ll have that feeling of wholeness. And that’s bliss, folks!

I wanna be real with you, though. There isn’t a switch button, it requires some practice to make a shift in perception.

We’re together for more than three years now and in the beginning, we fell head over feet for each other and we lost our sense of selves. We were insecure about each other’s feelings and made a lot of mistakes — still do but we think that every obstacle is a chance to learn and become better people.

You know, I used to wonder how someone so handsome like him was able to love a girl in a rolling chair like me — I thought like that because I didn’t love myself. I felt unworthy and not good enough. Funny enough, his insecurities were quite similar.

He’s helped me see otherwise. His love was — and is — so pure and unconditional that he helped me shift the perception of myself. From there, I could find my way back to My Truth. I redefined myself. I started to love myself despite any condition and by doing so, I could understand and completely trust his love. I could unconditionally love him back, as well.

We decided to get married not because we are “each other’s half”. We are awesome alone as individuals but we are exceptional when we’re together and work as a collective. And that’s very important to live in a happy relationship.

Ok, Lina. That’s all nice, beautiful and great in theory. But how do I put this into action?

First off, if you were guided to this post and you’ve read until now that shows me you’re willing to do the work.

That’s Step 1: BE WILLING.

Sometimes that can be the hardest step of all for some folks. They just don’t wanna let go of the victim story. So if you’re willing that’s a first big step and I honour you.

Step 2 is: BE APPRECIATIVE.

If you aren’t currently in a relationship, I invite you to read this article I wrote about self-love: The Skin I Live In.

The belief systems we pick, and that are often imposed on us, by society and media make us feel inadequate so many times. We’re looking for love in all the wrong places because we forget that we ARE love. We just need to remind ourselves to return to it. This is an internal journey, not an external one. And when you love yourself, you’ll irradiate that to everyone around you and it’ll become so much more natural for others to love you back.

Sometimes it’s hard, I know, and we need a little help — like I did. There’s one factor though, I didn’t love myself the way I do today when I got to know my husband but I still had so many things in my life to be grateful for and I practised that. For this reason, I was opened to receive the help and guidance I needed. Soon, I had more and more reasons to be in a state of appreciation.

It’s quite simple.

I recommend doing this in the morning during breakfast and in the evening before going to sleep. Choose 3 things you appreciate.

  1. A person in your life. On Valentines Day you can surely appreciate your partner. If you don’t have a partner, appreciate someone else you love.
  2. Something you truly love about yourself, no matter what it is. An important point is: this is called Appreciation, not Expectation. Don’t say things like: “I would be so grateful IF I had/was that.”
  3. Something small, no matter how insignificant you think it might be. For example, I have beautiful yellow flowers starting to bloom at my sight and I appreciate their beauty so dearly.

Step 3: BE AUTHENTIC.

Like Gabrielle says in her video: Check Yourself. On a scale from 1-10 how authentic are you being right now? You can do this exercise at any time! Do you have a date with your partner or possible partner tonight? DO IT. If you feel like you’re going down on the scale, take a deep breath and be more you.

•••

To help a little, I’ve made something especially for you: a Gratitude Cheat Sheet.

If you click the image below, you’ll be redirected to a page where you can fill in your Name and Email. After that, you’ll receive an email from me in your inbox so I can confirm your Email Address. This way I’ll be able to send the Cheat Sheet directly to there. That’s it! You can download the PDF, print and have you Gratitude Practice always within reach.

If you already signed up for the LL Collective, you won’t have to sign up again to get it. Check your inboxes. A reliable source tells me you got it waiting there for you.

Look how pretty it looks with all of those hearts! ❤

lina-levien-gratitude-cheat-sheet-blog

We are constantly having so much influence from the world around us that keeping our sense of selves is something challenging whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not. So, just try it!

I hope this serves you! I’ll be writing more about spirituality from now on so if you have an interesting topic you’d like me to touch, feel free to let me know in the comments.

Many kisses and see you soon! 🙂

lina-levien-ll-collective-en

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s